![]() ![]() I have become dependent on drugs since beginning working on nights. I spent the shift stifling my overwhelming nausea and questioning the life choices that had led me to having my finger in someone’s asshole at two o’clock in the morning. I wasn’t drowsy, but I was monumentally nauseated. Three hours later, I was more awake than I’d ever been.Īt work that night, I remember listening to a patient tell me how they were feeling and thinking to myself, “I am sure that I feel worse than you do right now.” I started with one tablet, and when that didn’t work, I took another. It wasn’t a good idea in theory, let alone in practice, but I did it anyway. I’d had the brilliant idea to take the highest recommended dose of Phenergan during the day so I could have a long and luxurious nap before my shift. I remember my first night shift well because I spent it miserably and mildly drug-affected. Usually, I like to tell people what a shitty experience it is and that you tend to smell really bad at the end of it. ![]() I am writing this in the spirit of nostalgia and because I know I don’t have to do it much longer. It is a self-destructive behavior that I have only participated in begrudgingly at best for the last four years. ![]()
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